Thursday, April 30, 2009

The Illusion of Control

I remember as a new mother asking the women who attended my local mothers' group when they finally felt they had things "under control." They then exchanged knowing glances, patted my hand and broke the news that from now on things would be a "new normal." I still feel that is the simplest way to describe the ever-changing, hectic life of parenthood.

That being said, we are learning about potty training, potty learning, toilet training, whatever you may call it... Transitioning into another "new normal." Clark is finally gaining some interest in that little potty in the bathroom that has lain, dusty and unused, under our bathroom sink. We have had one unsuccessful attempt at potty training a few months ago, but I decided that we would both be a lot happier if we waited for some more interest and understanding regarding the potty. We have talked about "big boys" using the potty, observing which friends "use the potty", checking out books, familiarizing ourselves with the parts and functions, recognizing the need to "go", handwashing, etc... I always thought Clark would train early since he could speak and communicate so well from an early age. Well, either I missed my window early-on, or he just wasn't ready because the first attempt had less potty-sitting and more floor cleaning. So, here we are at 2-1/2 just starting our potty adventures. I wonder how Bruce will do since he wants to be a part of whatever "Bubba" (big brother) is doing.






It's interesting to think about parenthood, which is in my opinion a "learn as you go" type of thing. You can try to be as prepared as possible, but individual circumstances will inevitably prevail and experience becomes your new teacher. Recently I've felt this way about night time and sleeping/waking children. We have a routine, we have a regular bedtime, getting to sleep is not usually a problem for us, but still we have good nights and bad nights, and some nights I have to admit I have no idea why my child has woken up. I quickly run down the list of past problems: too hot, too cold, teething, air is too dry, limb fell asleep, sick, recently in contact with a sick child, took a late nap, too long of a nap, did not have a nap and is overtired, bad dream, gas, constipation, went to bed too late, sleep schedule disrupted from traveling, traveling and sleeping in a new place, hungry, thirsty, bug bite, dirty diaper, dropped something, too light, too dark, too loud, too quiet... Scrambling sleepily through the darkness, you hope to find the right one before they are awake for too long. And then... they're up. Sometimes nothing will soothe or console them in time and out they come - awake. I try to avoid getting them out of bed (if at all possible), and don't let them sleep in our bed (not that I haven't tried this in desperation without success), but this has been a frustrating reality of parenthood for us (and certainly others) and a reason why our sleep is constantly interrupted and naptimes/bedtimes are sacred. Because no one wants to be the one on the couch with an awake child at 3 a.m.

When I was a new mother, I used to think that other mothers were judging me on my parenting abilities. I know there are some who feel there is only one "right" way, but I believe most people, especially parents who have "been there", understand the learn-as-you-go dynamic of parenthood. As your child collapses in a fit of frustration on the floor of a store there may be some judging glances, but also some knowing and sympathetic glances. No one will be able to tell you what will work for you, although most will be willing to tell you what worked for them. You will get a lot of advice as a parent; keep the good advice and disregard the bad, as someone once said. I appreciate the advice I've received from good friends who help me find a different approach to my continuing parenting dillemas.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Our House?


It's kind of funny that I've entitled my blog "Our House," since we don't actually own a home. If I was being technical, I probably would have called it "Our Apartment" or "Our Living Space," but those just don't have the same ring to them. Possibly "Our Home" would have worked, but it's too late now.

Most of you know that my major in college was Interior Design, so I often feel stress about not having creative control over my living space to, say, paint the walls or knock them down if I really wanted to (not load-bearing walls of course). It's a frustrating predicament, but I find my creative outlets in other ways. Once upon a time it was working in a career (which I loved) and these days it is pouring over home building and plan books from the library and constantly pestering my husband about "What do you think of this plan?" and "Do you prefer a one-story or two-story house?" HGTV is more like pouring salt in the wound. It's easy to get over-done on HGTV. I love, love, LOVE "This Old House" magazine. One of my few magazine subscriptions. I often laugh about our "preferences" because by the time we are able to afford our "dream home" we will probably be too old to enjoy it or ready to down-size. Hopefully not. My friend H who is in the process of buying a fixer-upper is going to have to put up with me for a while. Hopefully I won't be too much "help" for her.


It is amusing to look through home plan books with a critical eye. (Not amusing to everyone I'm sure.) Yes, what a beautiful, sprawling 4,000 square foot house with every room with it's own bathroom, but obviously whoever lives here isn't planning on doing their own laundry because the laundry room/cubby hole is less than adequate. I guess the maid will have to deal with it. Or I loved the 3,335 square foot house with it's own lighthouse-style widow's walk. You could also live in an octagon-shaped house to take advantage of those panoramic views. And always my favorite are how they need all the different names for these rooms to distinguish them from the others in large houses, "Family Room, Living Room, Great Room, Library, Bonus Room, Study, Home Office, Library, Hearth Room" the list continues. Hypothetically, all of these similarly-purposed rooms could exist in the same house. I love to see the extravagant (and usually poorly planned) mega-mansions designed for the rich and famous. (Although, they will probably hire an architect instead.) "Who builds these houses anyway? I think this one is 70's-era. Do you think this is a popular plan? Amazingly popular enough to publish it... (shakes head)" Hours of entertainment and open-ended questions await. Check out a home plan book from the library, it won't disappoint.

So, here are some of the things I would like in my dream home, in no particular order. (And I reserve the right to add to/change my list at any time, since I will probably have many years to perfect it.) Please keep in mind that we would like to have a larger family some day, and this list takes that in to account. Suggestions for the list are welcome.

  • 4 bedroom/2.5 baths
  • Under 2,500 square feet (I will have to clean my dream home.)
  • Some kind of front and back porch
  • Large, fenced in yard (Something we appreciate from an apartment point-of-view.)
  • 2-car Attached Garage
  • Caleb would also like a shed of some kind for lawn-equipment (He was quite inspired by Uncle P's garage.)
  • Formal Entry (Nothing huge, just enough to transition. I'd rather not walk straight into the Family Room. Too apartment-like.)
  • Extra Garage Space (For Caleb to have a workbench or tool storage. Maybe the shed would suffice. "Man Space")
  • A laundry room with a laundry sink (Also something we appreciate now that we don't have it. One day I will be able to wash my laundry without wondering if I have enough quarters. And some place to wash out... kid messes.)
  • Room inside the house for an extra freezer (Since we plan to live in a warm climate, this helps on the electric bills. Also important because we probably won't have a basement like some of you.)
  • Powder Bath (Off-limits to our kids so I don't have to be embarrassed to let people use our bathrooms. "What is this puddle from? Who didn't flush? What is this on the floor?" Dream house, remember?)
  • Large Kitchen Pantry (For Food Storage. In my dreams I would also have a separate storage area/closet for additional food storage. Where do you put all that wheat anyway?)
  • Kitchen open to the Family Room (Don't want to be closed off from the fun)
  • Separate Vanity Area from Toilet/Tub Area in Kid's Bath (I don't know how many times there was a major bathroom hold-up from a long shower-taker, or your brother comes out with a smile on his face and says "It's all yours!" if you know what I mean. Sometimes kids only need a sink.)
  • 2 Sinks in the Master Bath (I want my own.)
  • Separate closets in Master Bedroom
  • Separate Tub and Shower in Master Bath (Resale purposes. I'm not really a bath-taker.)
  • Lots of closet space (Did I mention closets yet?)
  • A mail center space in kitchen/garage entry area (To catch clutter before it hits the kitchen counter or table.)
  • A Public Area Desk for the computer (Just to keep an eye on things when my kids hit that age.)
  • One-story (Caleb's requirement, not mine)
  • In my dream of dreams I also have a craft room, but I'm not holding my breath just yet.
  • At least a two-cook kitchen (We have barely a one-cook kitchen now and it makes for stressful mealtimes as Caleb and I dodge and climb over each other to get things the job done.)
  • Modern insulation and energy-efficiency bells and whistles (Lots of options on the market to keep you from hemmoraging money in a well-built and well-planned house.)

I'm not sure my dream house exists, but it will someday.

I hope I get to live in it!